The Way We Are

Have you ever reflected on something you do that gets you in trouble and concluded that it’s “just the way you are”? For example, I am always busy - it’s just the way I am. In my work as a leadership coach, nearly every client has at least one “it’s just the way I am” statement. These statements are true…and they’re limiting. Each of us has the opportunity to rise above the “way we are.” One of the frameworks that I find most helpful, the Enneagram, speaks to these "levels of being." At our best, we are free from our own and others’ judgments, aligned with our self-concept, and most capable of offering our gifts to the world. When we react to our fears, we drop into increasingly reactive behaviors, and lesser versions of ourselves come out to play. We start working hard to get our needs met, we start exerting control over ourselves and others, and we overcompensate for our perceived weaknesses. Each one of us has a unique pattern of behaviors, ranging from “being our best” to “being our worst.” The beauty in this framework is that it allows us to see possibilities where we may otherwise feel trapped by “the way I am.”  Being our best doesn’t mean undoing who we are, but rather trading the behaviors that come naturally to us at lower levels for those that come naturally to us at higher levels. Busy is one way I can be…but I can choose to trade busy for energetic, adventurous, and spontaneous. These too are “the way I am,” and they serve me far better than busy. The bottom line is that being our best doesn’t necessarily require learning a new skill set or figuring out a new approach - it often simply involves trading one “way I am” for another “way I am.” If you’re interested in exploring this framework, drop me a note and let's walk through it together.