The Best of Me

In my work with leaders I often emphasize the responsibility we each have for discovering, embracing, and leaning into our best self. Our best often brings out the best in others, while even a hint of our shadow side raises defenses and calls others’ demons out to play. While these upward and downward spirals (best begetting best, worst begetting worst) are common experiences, I was recently reminded that the worst of others also has the capacity to bring out the very best in us.

It happened something like this: My husband was frustrated with me (a common occurrence!). My first reaction was to get frustrated at him for not talking to me about why he was frustrated. In a moment of clarity, I realized that my frustration was reactive -- a way of protecting myself from his frustration toward me -- my frustration (not his) was the beginning of a downward spiral. I sat for a while and asked myself, “What’s another way?” I could act as if the frustration wasn’t there...but isn’t that just a passive form of reacting? I could address the frustration...but isn’t that actually an attempt to make it go away?

Then it dawned on me...I can acknowledge his frustration without making it wrong. I can give his frustration space to be, free from judgment and without opposition. At the right time, I can seek to understand where his frustration comes from, honor it, and even thank it for sharing with me. And as a result, the spiral dissipates into thin air.

What do you do when others are at their worst? Can you allow their worst to bring out the best in you?

If you're struggling with how to handle a person or a situation, give me a call. I'm always happy to talk.